When our troubles are due to our ADHD, then it’s time to figure out better alternatives, better actions and reactions that work for us, instead of against us.

So, what is the life you want to live?  It’s your choice! 

Today’s post is the first in my new series about taking ownership of the things in our lives that we control, like our choices, behaviors, actions, and reactions.  I can’t control other drivers, but I can choose my reaction when someone cuts me off.  I couldn’t control the other kids in school, but I could choose my response when a bully said something mean.  I was born with a brain wired differently than most, a fact I also can’t control – but it’s my brain, and I can control how I choose to act, and how I want to live.

Impulsivity – or Is Love at first sight a real thing?

ADHDers often act impulsively without thinking through possible consequences.  When we make a snap decision, we’re rewarded with a satisfying “hit” of dopamine, and we feel better.  A spontaneous fun party may be just what you want this evening.  But deciding to drink the 7 beers may lead to remorse tomorrow.  Unfortunately, impulsivity can be harmful, even dangerous to us and others.  Our tendency for impulsivity shows up in so many ways, see if any of these are familiar to you:

• We yell “I hate you!” during a disagreement, even though it’s not true. (When communication channels are broken, we might say anything to get someone to “l.i.s.t.e.n. to me.”)
• We fall “in love at first sight”, monthly, weekly, serially. (“They’re paying attention to me, it must be love!”)
• We engage in spontaneous but unprotected sex. (Really, it’s not a good next step in any “love at first sight” situation.)
• We suddenly quit our job or drop out of school, without plans for next steps. (It becomes habitual when we somehow avoid any harsh consequences, because it becomes easier to do it again when we become stuck.)
• We automatically grab the Snickers bar when we go inside to pay at the gas station. (Because we always do that.)

How do we stop?  We allow ourselves to begin to notice, to become self-aware, and then proactively retrain ourselves to think first, take action second.  In many situations, we can plan ahead by writing if/then scenarios for them.

For example, I used to impulsively grab that Snicker’s bar every time I bought gas (yes, that was me, I didn’t make that up!) on my way home from work, because I went inside the station to pay.  At the end of a work day, I was tired and hungry, and vulnerable to making poor choices.

When I realized why I’d gained several pounds I changed the circumstance that set up my habitual impulse.  I decided to buy my gas in the morning at a different station, where I paid with my credit card at the pump.  No more errant Snickers for me!

Is love at first sight a real thing?  ADHDers’ tendency for impulsivity at least partly explains why some of us jump from relationship to relationship, especially when we’re young.  “Oh, that person is paying attention to me, they must like/love me!”  What a terrific thing for our self-esteem, when someone shows us such positive attention!  We want more of that feeling, and we impulsively launch into a new exhilarating relationship.  It’s all wonderful and exciting, and we think, this is IT!  And when it all crashes, it’s so painful.

In my own case, my ADHD parents weren’t able to teach my sister and I about making good choices, and so we kids had to “wing it”.  Consequently, we made many poor choices on the way to becoming adults.

Now, though, after I was finally diagnosed with ADHD in midlife, I have new insights into my thought patterns.  Thank goodness, I don’t succumb as often to my impulsivity.  (No, for me, it’s my habit of procrastination that gets me in trouble.  More on that one later!)  I can truly say that I was able to improve my life tremendously after I began working with my own ADHD life coach, and I’m so much happier!  I want you to experience that tremendous new insight and growth, too.  Set up your free consultation today, and let’s talk!

More on this topic in the next post in this series, when I share My Money Story.

Until then, be kind to yourself!