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My money story: it was all the sheep’s fault

by | Mar 11, 2022 | ADHD, Budgeting, impulsivity, Money, Strategies

Working on my shawl, Superior Sunset

Me, a few years ago, working on my shawl, Superior Sunset.

How I learned I need a savings and spending plan

ADHDers are impulsive, and we follow distractions readily.  We often don’t plan ahead, we just wing it, and hope for the best.  That may work sometimes, but not for managing money.  My money story is due to my impulsive Now / Not Now approach to life, and spending.  I was making enough money to pay my bills every month (the “now”), and I kept meaning to start regularly saving (but not now).  “Yeah, I really should… maybe next month I can start.”  But I didn’t plan ahead for it.  Coupled with my ADHD tendency to chase shiny new hobbies, books, and things, something so simple as saving wouldn’t happen without a plan.

Image of gorgeous yarns!

Locally spun and beautiful wool yarn!

I didn’t worry about it.  In fact, I felt very responsible because I didn’t carry a balance on my credit card, I always paid it off.  But after years of regular pay raises and good intentions, I still had nothing in my savings account.  I was one disaster away from financial catastrophe.  Then I was laid off.

A few years before that, I had taken up a new craft, a new hobby that led to other new hobbies, and it all ran away with me.  I jumped into the new stuff with such unhesitating gusto, right into the deep end of the pool.  I don’t know how I managed to sustain this haphazard money-spending problem, it was as though I had blinders on.  Why didn’t I realize sooner?  Because dopamine.  Every time I purchased more stuff, I had another hit of dopamine.  The same occurred every time I looked at, or sorted through, what I’d already bought.  (See below, I have good taste.)  I had taken up knitting, then weaving, and then spinning, and the amazing colors, textures, even the smell of real wool ignited my need to acquire more yarn and more fiber.

image of lovely wool ready to spin!

Navajo Churro and Sweetgrass Jacob wool, ready to spin into yarn.

Over several years, I bought countless miles of yarn for projects, plus extra, always, just in case, in extra colors, because then “I have it” if I want to make something.  (This was my “yarn stash”.  We knitters proudly compare our yarn stashes with others’, with a wink and a tacit agreement not to reveal the extent of anyone’s stash to the others’ spouse, nor where it is hidden.)

Because I had been laid off from my work, I had to become intentional about my spending.  Thank goodness, I had became aware of what I was doing to myself, and I stopped buying more fiber stuff.  I’ve bought no new wool or fiber toys in several years, and with luck, good nutrition and exercise, I will

Image of yarn that I spun myself!

Samples of my early spinning.  Spinning yarn is very meditative (ask Ghandi!)

live long enough to use at least most of my yarn and wool stash.  While it’s true that when the Michigan Fiber Festival annual notice comes out, it’s hard to ignore the calling of the wool, especially gorgeous hand spun… But then I gaze upon my lovely stash, and I’m able to tell myself (smugly!) that I already have lots of gorgeous yarn and wool and I do not need more!

Now I just need to complete some of those projects.  No, wait!  A reframe is in order:  I want to complete those projects, and to begin some more!

 

New Blog Series: What is the life you want to live? It’s your choice!

by | Feb 11, 2022 | ADHD, ADHD Life Coaching, Blog Series: What is the life you want to live?, impulsivity, Strategies, symptoms | 1 comment

New Blog Series:  What is the life you want to live?  It’s your choice!
by Rita Chapman, Certified ADHD Life Coach

When our troubles are due to our ADHD, then it’s time to figure out better alternatives, better actions and reactions that work for us, instead of against us.

So, what is the life you want to live?  It’s your choice! 

Today’s post is the first in my new series about taking ownership of the things in our lives that we control, like our choices, behaviors, actions, and reactions.  I can’t control other drivers, but I can choose my reaction when someone cuts me off.  I couldn’t control the other kids in school, but I could choose my response when a bully said something mean.  I was born with a brain wired differently than most, a fact I also can’t control – but it’s my brain, and I can control how I choose to act, and how I want to live.

Impulsivity – or Is Love at first sight a real thing?

ADHDers often act impulsively without thinking through possible consequences.  When we make a snap decision, we’re rewarded with a satisfying “hit” of dopamine, and we feel better.  A spontaneous fun party may be just what you want this evening.  But deciding to drink the 7 beers may lead to remorse tomorrow.  Unfortunately, impulsivity can be harmful, even dangerous to us and others.  Our tendency for impulsivity shows up in so many ways, see if any of these are familiar to you:

  • We yell “I hate you!” during a disagreement, even though it’s not true. (When communication channels are broken, we might say anything to get someone to “l.i.s.t.e.n. to me.”)
  • We fall “in love at first sight”, monthly, weekly, serially. (“They’re paying attention to me, it must be love!”)
  • We engage in spontaneous but unprotected sex. (Really, it’s not a good next step in any “love at first sight” situation.)
  • We suddenly quit our job or drop out of school, without plans for next steps. (It becomes habitual when we somehow avoid any harsh consequences, because it becomes easier to do it again when we become stuck.)
  • We automatically grab the Snickers bar when we go inside to pay at the gas station. (Because we always do that.)

How do we stop?  We allow ourselves to begin to notice, to become self-aware, and then proactively retrain ourselves to think first, take action second.  In many situations, we can plan ahead by writing if/then scenarios for them.

For example, I used to impulsively grab that Snicker’s bar every time I bought gas (yes, that was me, I didn’t make that up!) on my way home from work, because I went inside the station to pay.  At the end of a work day, I was tired and hungry, and vulnerable to making poor choices.

When I realized why I’d gained several pounds I changed the circumstance that set up my habitual impulse.  I decided to buy my gas in the morning at a different station, where I paid with my credit card at the pump.  No more errant Snickers for me!

Is love at first sight a real thing?  ADHDers’ tendency for impulsivity at least partly explains why some of us jump from relationship to relationship, especially when we’re young.  “Oh, that person is paying attention to me, they must like/love me!”  What a terrific thing for our self-esteem, when someone shows us such positive attention!  We want more of that feeling, and we impulsively launch into a new exhilarating relationship.  It’s all wonderful and exciting, and we think, this is IT!  And when it all crashes, it’s so painful.

In my own case, my ADHD parents weren’t able to teach my sister and I about making good choices, and so we kids had to “wing it”.  Consequently, we made many poor choices on the way to becoming adults.

Now, though, after I was finally diagnosed with ADHD in midlife, I have new insights into my thought patterns.  Thank goodness, I don’t succumb as often to my impulsivity.  (No, for me, it’s my habit of procrastination that gets me in trouble.  More on that one later!)  I can truly say that I was able to improve my life tremendously after I began working with my own ADHD life coach, and I’m so much happier!  I want you to experience that tremendous new insight and growth, too.  Set up your free consultation today, and let’s talk!

More on this topic in the next post in this series, when I share My Money Story.

Until then, be kind to yourself!